Family, friends and the holidays sometimes fun and sometimes stressful. Here are 5 days to survive the holidays.
Good morning friends, the holidays, otherwise known as the most stressful 5 weeks of the year, are almost upon us.
I love the holidays, and I love to spend them with my family. There are other people however who do not have a relationship with their family, or they do not have a family or they simply find the holidays very difficult.
I am from a family of four kids and my mother is from a family of 10 kids, add in spouses, kids, grandkids That is a lot of people, personalities, beliefs, views, experiences, life changes and more.
At the best of times it is a lot to take in and then you throw in the stress and expectations of the holidays and sometimes it feels like a powder keg waiting to blow.
My husbands family by contrast is very small, he has one sister. There are no aunts and uncles as his mom is an only child and his father( and his siblings) are all gone. I would say the average gathering, if all of the kids and grandkids are there is about 15 people. There is still stress and drama as there is with any family.
I know that social media makes the holidays seem like a Hallmark movie but real life and real holidays are sometimes anything but.
Without fail every year one member of my family has a meltdown, we always hope and pray that it isn’t going to happen but it always does. Frankly, I feel sorry for this person because they have so many expectations about “the perfect holiday” and they always feel let down. This inevitably results in a breakdown that always make my husband and I question why we went to begin with.
There are also the probing questions about your life choices, your job, your weight and over the last few years politics. This can put a real damper on the festivities if you don’t plan ahead on how to not only survive the holidays but to enjoy them as well.
Here are 5 ways to survive the holidays
Be Realistic
Be realistic about the holidays and your expectations. Many of us have “the perfect” holiday in our minds. A beautiful white Christmas morning with soft falling snow. A fire in the fireplace, the family sitting around in matching pjs, sipping hot chocolate opening presents in front of a beautiful tree.
The reality is a bit different is sometimes a wee bit different.
The weather is unseasonably warm and everyone is wearing shorts. The dogs knocked over the tree and broke a few of your favorite ornaments, the kids are crying because they do not want to wear pj’s much less matching ones and someone drank all the milk at breakfast and didn’t get any more so there is no hot chocolate.
Let it go, life isn’t perfect and neither are the holidays, no-one has the perfect family or holiday even though social media would like us to believe they did.
Ask for Help
I am the kind of person that likes to “do all” and sometimes I try to do way to many things to make the holiday “perfect” for my family and friends.
I actually get mad at myself and them because I’ve taken on too much.
Delegate tasks, divide up what needs to get done and allow yourself to enjoy the holidays instead if watching them go by in a blur.
It’s ok to ask someone else to wrap gifts, to bake a few dozen cookies, or to plan the activities.
Let Go of Traditions
If you always have a real tree but the kids are grown and it is too hard for you to get out and get one on your own or you simply want to have the ease of a faux tree or if you don’t want to have a tree at all then don’t.
If your family has turkey for the holidays but no one likes it, don’t make it simply because it is tradition.
If you normally go to midnight mass but it makes everyone cranky the next morning skip it and go the the early mass at five.
If it is not making you happy, stop!
Do not continue to do something just because you have always done it, life is too short for that.
Everything in Moderation
If you are staying with family for a week you do not need to spend 24 hours a day with them! Get out of the house, see an old friend, take a walk, watch a movie, or just have some alone time.
Holiday food is rich and delicious but don’t overdue it, too much of a good thing is too much and can make you feel ill. By all means enjoy all of your favorite holiday foods and drinks but maybe not all on the same day or a the same time.
Stay Home
Sometimes we have to listen to our bodies and our feelings and to skip a holiday or family get together. Growing up, getting married, having kids, growing old and all of the “seasons” in between can mean that the circumstances of our lives have changed and that not everyone can do every holiday together.
I have friends that once they had children never traveled away from home at Christmas. They wanted their kids to wake up in their own beds and to run down the stairs on Christmas morning and to be able to play all day with the gifts Santa brought. Family and friends were welcome to come to their house but they were not coming to yours.
If you feel like taking a break from traveling or family holidays, stay home and take the year off, it’s ok.
These are just a few things that you can do to make the holidays less stressful on yourself and your family.
Remember that life isn’t perfect and your holidays don’t have to be either to be enjoyable.
Don’t be so hard on yourself or your family, practice gratitude and find the joy in the day.
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UNTIL TOMORROW
Have a great day my friends, if you have some suggestions to make the holidays less stressful please share.
Take care and thank you for spending part of your day with me. I will see you tomorrow.
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I love that your friends stay home at Christmas with their children. It’s a great way of making traditions. I’ll be packing for the move during the holidays.
Brenda
Such a fabulous post Elizabeth – one I needed to read this morning as I, like you, usually take on too much to prepare for Christmas especially. This year will be very different here – I cannot, will not, be the one to decorate over the top, sooth everyone’s problems, cook, bake and feed them all, shop till I drop, spend a small fortune on gifts etc. etc. We are traveling for Thanksgiving and when I return, hopefully in less physical pain, I will not let my emotions take over and try to be the perfect hostess – this year we either are invited somewhere or we’ll be perfectly happy to be here at home alone, recalling those those so busy and tiring (often fun) Christmasses of our younger days!
Happy week dear.
You do have a sly sense of humor. Had a good laugh at the kid who drank all the milk at breakfast,so none for hot chocolate! We have had so many Xmas bombs,all one can do is laugh! Merry Christmas!
For me Christmas wrecks havoc with my depression, each and every year. Inevitably it’s Christmas music in a store that sets it off, and it stays in place until after Christmas when it’s all done and it just vanishes. A lot of that goes back to past family dynamics and difficult people I’ve cut out of my life.
William I am so sorry that Christmas is so hard, and as you mentioned there is no escape from the relentless Christmas music for at least 2 months. I am happy to hear that you have cut out difficult people, that is a very hard thing to do but completely necessary for our own health. Take care of yourself!
Your post validates many of us struggling now, when in years past we created a perfect scene. I love that you are so real. I’m in middle of divorcing in my 70s, and face losing most everything tangible.. I’m thrilled to be moving on from his mental abuse, yet feel left out by society and even friends who think my church-going professional is the pillar of goodness. I still put in some effort at holiday time, even if for myself, and read lots of motivational material. So difficult as I prepare my beautiful home for sale. Mental peace is more important.
Very good advice. Sometimes we try to do it all and end up feeling like a wreck.
Char, I cannot imagine how hard this is for you, the blessing is that you are out of an abusive situation. Seek out the friends and family that you have that are good for you, the ones that have chosen your husband are “not your people.” I hope that you have an attorney that is looking out for your interest, after all of these years you should be entitled to something. Do not let your husband continue to hurt you by making you “start over.” I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, make it special for yourself; get a small tree, bake some cookies for yourself, enjoy this special season, it is ” the most wonderful time of the year” and it is what we make it. Where will you be moving to? Please reach out if you need anything!
This will be my first year away from my family on Christmas morning. We’re spending this time with my husband’s family this year but it will make the day less stressful for us. It’s hard but worth it. <3
Stacey, I had never spent a Christmas away from my family until I was 32! It was a change to spend it with my husbands family but it was nice in a different way. Less stress is always a good thing. Enjoy!
Great tips!
Thank you Paula!
These are great tips. The holidays can be hard for so many.
It is a hard time for many and they often feel forgotten in their suffering.
Always love your posts with sensible practical advice!!
Thank you Linds, I really appreciate that.
Self-care is so important during the holidays. Thank you for the reminders. xx
It is indeed Libby! Thank you !
Love these hints for the holidays. It’s so true that we all have the perfect scene in our head but need to be more realistic. Thanks for this!
This is a lovely post! Thank you for sharing!
Hi dear Elizabeth,
Now that I changed my email address I can download your meaning full, heartfelt, sincere posts. Everything you addressed is so true and insightful on your part. Years of life experience are great teachers. I love what my forever friend once shared with me that resonated with me and stuck in my pigeon hole. When all is taken away, what is left is how we respond.
I hear you about over doing and one thing leading to another and getting carried away trying to create the perfect everything. I’m a recovering perfectionist and now what I try to say out loud to myself it’s good enough.
I hope this holiday season nothing will put a damper on you and your hubby. It only takes one to spoil a beautiful day.
Again, thank you for the wonderful post.
You are a treasure.
Katherine,
Thank you for your insight. As they say, with age comes wisdom. We are home this year for Christmas and it will just be spent with my brother and his family. Although I will miss my family and all of the activities, most especially my mom.
As for overdoing it, sadly I think that is all on me. I just want to make and share everything. I want the holidays to be special for everyone. This year I am sharing all of my treats with a women’s shelter and I think it might make their time in the shelter a little bit more homey.
Have a wonderful day and thank you Katherine for your always kind comments.
Rereading this…One thing I have learned is one DIL does not like not having specific planned activity for the day when we spend several days together, games ,a walk or going somewhere. So,learn about what would help make it less stressful and more enjoyable for all? Also, though we are the parents, I am learning to let go and let our kids do the planning
Linda, that is a great suggestion. I want to be transparent, we have tried EVERYTHING for my sister, to the detriment of our own heath. It does not matter what we do she is not happy.
I am completely like that DIL- if I am with a group for several days, I want to know when I’m expected to join in & for what. Then I can choose what I do for the rest of my time – which will likely be by myself to rest & refuel as an introvert. Also it’s great to have each adult think of activities to do and run by the group before arrival so one can know what to pack. Dividing up the responsibilities sure helps the hosts feel like they don’t have to do everything every day the group is together.
I am the same way. The nice thing is that at our house we all have our one rooms away from the “crowds” and we can relax, read, and rest. The idea of dividing up the responsibilities is a great idea, everyone gets to be a part of the action and the celebration and the host gets a break too.
Great advice! Although, it is sometimes hard to be realistic when bombarded with magazine, blog and Pinterest perfect holidays. I have learned to do the things I enjoy and for me that is writing Christmas cards, creative gift wrapping and decorating. I do enjoy baking and cooking but try not to go overboard. No need for ten kinds of cookies! Enjoy the holidays!
Catherine, I could not agree more about social media, we are bombarded with “perfect” holidays but I think we have to wade through all of that and do as you suggested the things that work for you and that you enjoy. I LOVE to bake but I only bake the things I like, I do the same with decorating. I do not need over the top decorations.
Have a wonderful holiday!