Self Care After 50 — It Is More Than a Massage

Nobody taught me how to take care of myself.

Not in any meaningful way. I was taught to take care of other people — to show up, to contribute, to keep going. And I did all of those things willingly and for a long time without stopping to ask whether I was taking care of the person doing all the showing up.

I am not complaining. I think most women of my generation would say something similar. We floated through our younger years feeling more or less invincible, making choices,  some good, some less so, without fully understanding that the body and the mind keep a very accurate record of everything. Those choices come home eventually. Not all at once, and not always dramatically, but they come.

What I know now, at fifty-nine, is this. Self care is not a luxury and it is not a spa day, although I will be honest and tell you that I have massages regularly and I am not giving them up. Self care is simply the practice of caring for yourself. Consistently, intentionally, without waiting until you have to.

It took me a long time to make myself a priority. I am glad I finally did.

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What Self Care Actually Looks Like

A bath bomb is not self care. Neither is a face mask, though I have nothing against either. Self care is the unglamorous, undramatic practice of showing up for yourself the way you would show up for someone you love.

For me it starts in the morning. The cup of drinking chocolate in my French toile cup. The quiet before the day begins. The gratitude journal, the prayer, the birds at the bird bath that I have watched long enough now to recognize as individuals, which says something either about birds or about me. It took me years to claim that hour without guilt and I am not giving it up for anything.

It continues in the small decisions I make throughout the day. The afternoon walk with Patches, who treats every pinecone as if it deserves a full investigation and has convinced me, over time, that it does. The book I pick up instead of the phone. The phone call I actually answer instead of letting go to voicemail because I will call back later, and later has a way of never coming.

It includes my faith, which has deepened over the years from something I did by habit into something I return to by choice and which gives me a steadiness I did not know I was missing until I had it.

And it includes, increasingly, the things I have let go of. Past hurts I decided were too heavy to keep carrying. Grievances I chose to put down. After fifty-nine years I have arrived — somewhat slowly, with more than a few wrong turns — at the ability to accept people as they are rather than as I wish they were. To meet them where they are. To enjoy them for what they actually offer rather than grieving what they do not. That, I have discovered, is one of the most freeing things a person can do for themselves. It costs nothing. It changes everything. But I will be honest, it is not always easy. 

The Physical — What Your Body Needs

I am not a doctor and nothing here is medical advice. But I am a woman in my late fifties who has learned, sometimes the hard way, that the body rewards attention and punishes neglect, and that prevention is infinitely easier than repair.

Schedule your appointments and actually keep them. Yearly physical, gynecological exam, mammogram, bone density scan, colonoscopy, eye exam, dermatologist. These are not optional extras. They are the minimum, and most of us have been skipping at least one of them for longer than we should. Put them in your calendar in January, all of them, and treat them like the non-negotiables they are.

Do not neglect your teeth. Brush, floss, see your dentist twice a year. I know. I know. But dental health is connected to heart health, to cognitive health, to systemic inflammation in ways that are only now being fully understood. It is one of the simplest things on this list and one of the most consistently set aside.

Drink water. More than you think you need. Dehydration in older adults is more common and more serious than most people realize — it affects cognition, energy, mood, and physical function in ways that mimic other problems entirely. Keep a glass beside you. Make it a habit before it becomes an issue.

Move. Not excessively just consistently. Walking, yoga, dancing in your kitchen when no one is watching — I am not judging, I have done it. The research on strength training for women over fifty is definitive it protects your bones, your balance, your heart, your mind. Start if you have not. Keep going if you have.

And work on your balance. I mean this literally. It deteriorates with age unless you actively work on it, and falls are one of the leading causes of serious injury in older adults. Yoga helps. Tai chi helps. So does standing on one foot while you wait for the pot to boil or while you brush your teeth. I do this. It looks as graceful as you would imagine.

The Mental — What Your Mind Needs

Physical health gets most of the attention. Mental health is equally important and, I would argue, more neglected. We have been conditioned to push through, to manage, to cope quietly. For a long time that served a purpose. It does not serve us now.

If you need professional help, please get it. Anxiety, depression, grief, the weight of carrying old things for too long — these are not character flaws. They are not things you simply push through until they resolve themselves. A good therapist is one of the best investments I know of. If you have been putting it off, I am saying this as gently as I can: stop putting it off. 

Keep learning. Not just to stay sharp, though that matters, but because an informed woman is her own best advocate. Understand your health conditions. Ask questions of your doctors. Read. Take a class. Learn something new. The mind that keeps learning stays more resilient and more curious.

Let go of what is costing you more than it is worth. The relationship that drains more than it gives. The grudge you have been carrying so long you have forgotten what it weighs. The expectation of someone who has repeatedly shown you they cannot meet it. This is not indifference. It is wisdom. You have earned the right to protect your energy.

Find your people. A book group, a faith community, a walking group, a class at the community college. Whatever it looks like for you — find it and tend to it. Loneliness is a genuine health risk. The research is clear on this. Connection matters.

The Daily — Small Things That Add Up

The most significant self care I practice is not dramatic. It is the accumulation of small, consistent choices made daily over years. This is what it looks like on an ordinary day.

A morning ritual that belongs entirely to me. A cup of drinking chocolate before the day begins. Writing, because writing is how I think and how I process and how I stay honest with myself about what I actually feel. An afternoon walk with Patches, who has never once in her life walked past something interesting without stopping to investigate it fully, and who has been teaching me, one pinecone at a time, to do the same.

Reading. Not screens — books. The kind you hold and mark up and return to. Moving my body in some form every day, even when I would rather not. Drinking enough water. Calling my mother.. Saying yes to the things that fill me and no, more readily than I used to, to the things that do not.

None of this is revolutionary. All of it is intentional.

A Note to the Woman Reading This in Her Thirties or Forties

Some of you are here and I am glad. You are not invincible. You know this, but you do not yet feel it the way you will feel it later, and that is fine. That is simply what it is to be young. I’ve been there and now I am here. Wiser. 

But start now. Not with a complete overhaul. Just start. Schedule the appointment you have been putting off. Drink the water. Walk around the block. Put down the grudge that is costing you more than it is costing anyone else. Make one small choice today that is genuinely for you.

You will not regret it. I promise you that.

You have one life. Take care of the person living it. The time to start is now, not when things settle down, not when the kids are older, not when work slows. Now.

What does self care actually look like in your life — the real version, not the one you post about? I would love to know what small things are making the biggest difference for you right now. Tell me in the comments.

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