Gratitude After 50: 11 Practices for November and Beyond

Eleven small practices, most of them aimed at other people

At our Thanksgiving table, everyone says something they are thankful or grateful for. It is one of our favorite parts of the meal next to the pie and the yeast rolls. Gratitude after 50 has turned into a handful of things I actually do, some of them in November and most of them the rest of the year, and November happens to be National Gratitude Month, which is as good an excuse as any to begin.

These are the practices I keep coming back to. Some of it is old advice and some of it I picked up along the way. Almost all of it points outward, toward other people, because that is where I have found it works best.

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1. Write One Real Letter

Pick one person and write to them by hand. Not a text, and not a card with only your name at the bottom. A letter, with your favorite pen and an hour you do not give to anything else. Say what they did, when they did it, and what it meant to you. If you are stuck on where to start, start with a specific memory: the afternoon they listened, the casserole after the surgery, the ride to the airport.

The first sentence is the hardest, and after that it tends to write itself. A handwritten envelope turning up in the mailbox among the catalogs is a small surprise for the person who opens it. If you need some thank you cards and a decent pen, November is a good time to stock up.

2. Say Thank You to the Person in Front of You

Please and thank you were drilled into most of us as children, and somewhere along the way we started saying them on autopilot. Say it on purpose. Thank the barista who makes the latte the way you like it, the cashier, the bagger, the coworker who covered for you. Thank your yoga teacher at the end of a good class. Look at them when you say it. It takes about four seconds and it is the cheapest practice on this list.

3. Give a Compliment Out Loud

Years ago I was having a terrible day, wandering around a store with red eyes from crying and not looking my best. A little old man kept glancing at me, and finally he walked over and tapped me on the shoulder. I was grumpy and sure he wanted help finding something. Instead he asked if he could tell me something. I said yes. He told me I was beautiful and had lovely eyes.

I thanked him and walked out lighter than I walked in. He spent maybe ten seconds on me, and to this day I think about that man. If you notice something kind about someone, tell them.

4. Make the Call

Texts are fine for making plans. For gratitude, use your voice. You do not need a reason or a script. “I was thinking about you and wanted you to know how grateful I am for you” is the whole phone call, and it may be the best one that person gets all week. If it feels awkward, keep it short and let them talk. If they do not pick up, leave a voicemail, because a message they can listen to twice is a gift of its own.

If you only do one thing on this list, make it this one. The people we love are all a day older than they were yesterday, and a phone call is easy to put off until it can’t be made.

5. Make a List of the People

Before November gets busy, sit down with a sheet of paper and write the names of the people who changed your year. Who showed up. Who made you laugh. Who sent the note at exactly the right moment. The list is usually longer than you expect, and it should include the people who rarely get thanked: the neighbor, the nurse, the mail carrier, the friend who always remembers your birthday.

Then use it, because a list on its own is nice and a list you work through is a practice. Put it on the refrigerator or tuck it into your journal and cross names off as you go. It becomes your letters, your phone calls, and your thank yous.

6. Give Something Away

Gratitude turns into something real when you hand it to someone who needs it. Go through your closet before the cold arrives and find the warm coats, boots and gloves you are not wearing, then take them to your church or a coat drive. If your church has a giving tree, take a few cards. The ones I have picked asked for stamps, boxes of cards, socks, candy and books. Ordinary things that are something special to someone else.

If you have more time than stuff, a food bank, a soup kitchen, a nursing home or a VA hospital where you could read and talk to the residents, many of which have no family. Call ahead to ask what is needed before you shop or drop anything off. The answer is sometimes not what you would guess.

7. Keep a Gratitude Journal

I write in mine in the morning, and I have written about that whole routine in my morning ritual post, so I will keep it short here. If you are new to it, write one thing a day. When that gets easy, go to three, then five. Some mornings three is a struggle, and those are the mornings it counts.

Any notebook will do, and it helps to keep it where you will see it so you do not have to remember it. Do not worry about grammar or full sentences. On the days you can only manage one line, one line counts. If you would like prompts to get you started, a gratitude journal with a few already printed inside can take the pressure off the blank page.

8. Notice the Small Joys

This is the quietest practice on the list. A cuddle with the dogs, a card from a friend, a good book waiting on the nightstand, a smile from a stranger. Notice it, then say it out loud or write it down, because noticing and then forgetting is how most of these moments get away from us.

I wrote about keeping a joy journal and about one fall morning at my own front door, and both are the same idea from different angles. If you want to see how small choices add up over time, I wrote about that in my post on intentional living after 50.

9. Say It at the Thanksgiving Table

At our table, everyone says something they are thankful or grateful for. If you want to try it, keep it small: one sentence each, once around the table. Let the shy ones go last or pass the first time around. If you are hosting, a small card and a pen at each place setting gives people something to think about while the turkey rests and the sides are carried to the table.

The point is not a long eloquent statement. It is hearing it, in their own words, from the people you love. If the table looks different this year, and for many of us it does, say it anyway.

10. Keep a Gratitude Jar

I keep a gratitude jar. Whenever something good happens, write it on a slip of paper and drop it in. On a bad day, pull a few out and read them. By the end of the year you have a jar full of evidence that most weeks held more than you remembered.

Any jar will do, and a pretty glass jar on the kitchen counter will remind you to use it. On New Year’s Eve you could read the slips aloud, or tuck them into your journal.

11. Practice It on the Hard Days

Some days gratitude is hard. You are sad, or tired, or angry at somebody, and a list of things to be thankful seems almost impossible. On those days I lower the bar to three things and nothing more. Not big ones. A warm kitchen. A text from a friend. The dog waiting on the other side of the door.

Gratitude is not a way of pretending the hard thing is not there. It sits next to it. I wrote more about what I do on the harder mornings, and I think this is the practice that matters most.

Where to Start With Gratitude After 50

Eleven is a lot, and I do not do all of them every week. If you want a place to begin, pick three: one that is just for you (the journal or the jar), one that goes to someone else (the letter or the call), and one for the table. That is a full November. The rest of the year you can add one at a time, which is how most habits that last get built.

Thank You for Being Here

I started this blog for my family over fifteen years ago, and I keep writing it for you. Many of you I have never met, and your comments, emails, notes and prayers are the reason I keep showing up. Thank you for spending part of your day here. I hope your holiday season is a happy and blessed one, and that you are surrounded by the people you love.

Does your family say what they are thankful for at the table, or do you have a different tradition? And which of these eleven would you try first or do you already do?

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