As many of you know from my posts last week, my stepfather Gary passed away, and I have been sharing and navigating that here on the blog. If you missed those posts, you can read A Life Well Lived and Liminality: The In-Between.
Grief does not keep a schedule. Your world stops, but the world around you continues. Your calendar is still filled with appointments, birthdays, anniversaries. Life. And so, today, I am jumping back into the blog with both feet.
That may seem strange to some, and I understand. But this blog is part of my life and part of my work, and I have obligations: to series I do with other bloggers, to readers who show up here every week, and to myself. Frankly, I could curl up in bed with three pups and do nothing, and there may be days that I do. But Gary would not have liked that. I know I do not have to explain. I thought I would anyway. Life is moving along, and I am putting one foot in front of the other.
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What I Read
A few weeks before Gary died, my husband gave me Nothing to Fear by Julie McFadden. Bill knew what was coming before the rest of us were quite ready to say it out loud. Julie McFadden is a hospice nurse who has spent her career sitting with people in their final days, and she writes about death with empathy and compassion. I recommend it to anyone walking alongside a loved one who is ill, or who simply wants to understand what dying actually looks like, because most of us have no idea.
This week I finished In the Light of the Sun by Angela Shupe. The story follows two sisters: Caramina, in the Philippines in 1941, who dreams of training in Italy to become an opera singer like her older sister Rosa, and Rosa herself in Florence on the eve of her long-awaited debut as Mussolini tightens his grip and she is drawn into the underground resistance. War tears their worlds apart. Music holds them together.
I was drawn in partly because of the sisters, partly because of the opera thread, and partly because I needed to go somewhere else for a little while. This book took me there.
What I Watched
“How to Manage Grief” from the Office Hours series on YouTube. I will link it below. The description alone stopped me: grief is part of the human experience. If you love, you will lose. And when you do, the pain is inescapable. It can be disorienting, overwhelming, and in the case of acute grief, the symptoms can even resemble something like psychosis.
That last sentence. I read it and thought: yes. The video is thoughtful, measured, and worth your hour. The aim, as the description puts it, is not to eliminate grief but to approach it with understanding.
Outfit of the Week
Outfit Details Below
I did not write a Weekend Meanderings post this past Saturday, but Juliet and Kim held down the fort beautifully. Please visit them and show them some love.
Thank you, as always, for being here. For the comments, the prayers, and the quiet kindness of showing up. It means more than I can say.
I would love to know: has a book or a film helped you through a hard season? What was it?
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Monday Musings No. 232 | Two Things Can Be True
On My Radar
Dear Elizabeth,
I have taken in and shared Nothing to Fear and How Grief Works with my forever friend. Your husband is a sweetheart to help you and help give you tools. Even with all the tools we have to go through the process. Only YOU know what works best for you. I understand hiding out and curling up on the sofa as you process not having Gary in your life. You need no judging, if anyone has gone through loss of someone that changed and added to your life in a very personal way totally understands and gets it. Recalling all the JOY and smiles and life experiences is what brings you comfort. I think of your dear mother, thank goodness your sister is present for her.
We lost our Birman Romeo (Kitty) over 10 years ago, that was in our life for 19 years, I still cry and miss him terribly. He was born on my birthday. He was unique and not like some cats, he was in mesh with me and my husband Barry in a huge way. He slept with me every night. We were so close. He was almost human like. He was a blue point, with gorgeous blue eyes and white fur, gorgeous fur, with a plum tail that moved in a model movement. See we never fully recover even with our fur children.
Do as you want to, I feel for you, it can be a very dark period in your life. You will see the light when you are ready.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Gary was a blessing to so many lives, how lucky you were to have him in your life.
Elizabeth! Welcome back, you were missed. Everyone deals with grief their own way and there’s no judgement. When my mom died I took two days off work, the day she died and the day of her memorial service. The days in between I planned the memorial service from work. It was the right thing for me at the time, although looking back I must have been crazy. Certainly more organized. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed hearing about the wonderful relationship you had with your step-father and the reverence and respect you hold for him. I hope your mom is doing as best she can, I know you and your siblings are a huge comfort for her. I’m intrigued by Julie McFadden’s book and ordered from your link. So glad to see your post in my mailbox. xoxo
when my mom died, i found this poem:
Separation
By W. S. Merwin
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
it resonated with me and said what i could not articulate.
take good care
Debbie, thank you for sharing. I am sorry for the loss of your mother.
This poem is beautiful and says it all perfectly. Not only is their absence stitched with its color but their time in our lives stitched into every fibre of our being.